Football Talk: Kuqi's Finnish, Keep Rhodes off Twitter, Barton philoso-trek

'Another couple of million quid? Nice one gaffer.'© SNS Group

It’s all about the money in SPL-land. Do you have it, do you want it and who deserves to be paid that hard-earned wonga?

Shefki Kuqi has found himself a new wage, the much-travelled striker has landed at Easter Road on a one year deal. “He’s Finnish,” I hear you cry. Nope, he’s only 35.

Kenny Shiels smashed open the Rugby Park piggy bank to lure former Real Madrid youth player Borja Perez to Ayrshire. Far from remaining in the market for free players, Shiels is now relying on other teams to pay for him to recruit extra faces.

Down south Sir Alex Ferguson has told multi-millionaire social media expert Steven Fletcher to sort out his differences with Craig Levein. For the price of a text, eh?

And Simon Grayson has joined Jordan Rhodes’ agent in purring over the amiable Scot’s transfer value. Rhodes’ goal against Australia added “a couple of million” to his already extortionate value, apparently.

Grayson will have to hope Fletcher’s international exile stands, lest the Wolves man shows impressionable young Jordan how to use Twitter.

And finally, the libraries of France’s Provence are readying themselves for a flurry of orders on Jena-Paul Sartre, Michel Foucault, Roland Barthes and Rene Descartes, as trademarked ‘Bad Boy’ and insatiable student of philosophy, Joey Barton, prepares for a move to Marseille.

TOP STORIES

Hibernian sign Finnish international striker Shefki Kuqi

Hibs become the target man’s 15th club of his 17 year career, as Pat Fenlon gets his man to partner Leigh Griffiths.

Hearts boss wants more protection for skilful players

John McGlynn wants referees to look after flair players after losing David Templeton for two matches following his retaliation to constant fouls in the Edinburgh derby.

Sir Alex Ferguson wants an end to stand-off between Steven Fletcher and Craig Levein

How can Levein be guaranteed that Fletcher’s head would not go?

Former Real Madrid youngster Borja Perez signs a one year deal with Kilmarnock

Kenny Shiels gets his man. Roulette of Emotion currently pointing to: ‘Mutual Joy’.

Lack of big name signings helps Inverness Caledonian Thistle players to bond

Caley Thistle’s Ross Draper says squad morale is high because there are no big names inside the dressing room. (Inverness Courier)

Allan McGregor is OUT of Scotland’s first qualifying matches

Using helpful capital letters, The Scottish Sun breaks the news that Scotland will be WITHOUT Allan McGregor for the opening World Cup matches.

Scotland goal adds ‘another couple of million’ to Jordan Rhodes’ price tag

Simon Grayson’s eyes spin like a fruit machine, before landing on two Dollar signs. His jaw then detaches and a flurry of coins spill from his mouth. (The Huddersfield Examiner)

Bad Boy Barton set for Marseille loan move

Bad Boy Joey Barton is going to the scenic Cote D’Azur to brush up on his favourite musings, and do Bad Boy things. (Daily Mail)

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Glorious look at the founding fathers of Serie A, the league that launched years of Italian domination of the game. (In Bed With Maradona)

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